Happy Valentine's day

Sometimes I have words that grow in my brain. When I don't share these words it's like I'm watering them and they grow and grow and then they're so big they won't fit out the gap for me to share them. Sometimes I want to share them, I really do, but these words have grown too big for me to spit them out, and then I just stay there, in silence, talking to myself in my brain. At the most I can say "I want to say something but I can't", and then stay there hoping someone can butter the hole and pull the words out with both hands.

Usually though, I feel I can spit them out and they go through you like a ghost. So it's like I never spoke at all but I'm left feeling confused and unimportant.

Some days I wake up excited about life. I listen to 60's music in my head, dance in the shower and try to look my best. But I feel like the sun, trying to make it a sunny day and you're a black cloud, trying to make it rain.

We have now been together for a long time and I'd like to find a way to tell you I want to fall in love with you again, and for you to fall in love with me too. I want us to fall in love every day, with every smile and every word. I just feel like, well, we don't.

I don't want it to be an effort, I want you to enjoy me. I know we're stressed and busy, but I'd love to leave you a note in your pocket and for you to leave one in mine.

 I know I'm not the only girl in the world, or the best at anything really, I'm no super model or sex-symbol, but I need you to make me feel special... But it should come naturally without you having to read this or without me nagging or getting depressed and not sharing why... I need you to look at me like I'm special. I need to feel lucky. 

I suppose I don't want to share my thoughts because you are allways so, so tired and stressed, I know you're doing it for the family, and that's what stops me sharing my thoughts. I appreciate you, I appreciate what you do for us, and I don't want to seem like I'm complaining or to give you even more stress. So yeah, I swallow my thoughts and hope I won't throw them up in your face one day.

Happy Valentine's day my love, I hope you like the present. xxxxx